Welcome to Programmer Humor!
This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!
For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.
It's perfectly normal for your computer to have daemons.
It looks like you tried to parse html using a regex.
For reference: https://stackoverflow.com/questions/1732348/regex-match-open-tags-except-xhtml-self-contained-tags#1732454
It works better if you remove linebreaks beforehand tho.
I doubt PHP has anything to do with that.
CLOSED: Won't Fix>By Design
Have you tried sacrificing a goat?
oh that crowley what a scamp