I might as well go first:
Thou shalt seed what you download (You'll understand in a few thousand years)
this post was submitted on 06 Jan 2024
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Asklemmy
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Thou shalt not push to prod on Fridays
git blame, the new Amen.
Thou shalt not fuck kids. They definitely meant for that to be in there, right? Guys...?
what was that? gay people are sinners? got it.
/s disclaimer
this is about the bible verse about laying with a boy (or something). not homophobic
Thou shalt not be cruel
Thou shalt not oppress your fellow man
Thou shalt not put yourself before your brethren
Thou shalt not think only of yourself
Thou shalt not live in a disordered home, nor shall you allow the cities you live in to become disorderly due to your own lack of action
The five missing ones are:
- Acknowledge the central point.
- Thou shalt not soapbox.
- Thou shalt not decontextualise what others say.
- Thou shalt not claim intentions to defend thine or someone else's actions.
- Thou shalt not convey "I disagree" through feigned lack of understanding.
Bonus: the original version of the 8th was
- Thou shalt not claim with certainty things that you do not know for certain.
The current 8th (Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour) is a forgery. Some assumer got called out over and over because of the older 8th, since he really liked to make shit up, so he restricted it into near uselessness. Source: I'm Lucifer, I know it. :^)
Your version of the 8th would literally undo all religion (and a bit of science).
Your version of the 8th would literally undo all religion
It would undo the myths, I think. Morality and religious practices might survive depending on how much they rely on said myths.
and a bit of science
It would perhaps demote a lot of theories back to hypotheses, but that's actually good IMO. A good scientist should embrace the doubt and treat it as a respectable enemy, not hide from it like a catfish in the mud.
One saying slavery shouldnβt happen would be nice.
I think the 10 commandments are in Exodus which is also one of the books where God says exactly how you should own slaves. So that would be a weird one.
God really is a piece of shit.
"Thou shalt boil water before drinking it" would probably have saved a staggering number of lives. That and a handwashing commandment together would've been a home run for pre-industrial survival rates. "Thou shalt not trust a fearmonger" would also be a good, if perhaps self-defeating commandment.
- Do not treat people or animals as things
- Consent first from others, especially your family
- The Earth and it's creatures should be shepherded and guarded, not exploited
- No gods, no kings, no rulers - instead have empathy, sharing, and collaboration
- It's round you nimrods, because that's how gravity works
Thou shall not leave the toilet lid open after used.
Thou shall not attempt to make a business out of this using the medium of broadcast images and shouting.
Thou shalt not stalk thine ex's media feed and scribe words inspired by Bacchus
Thou shalt not steal if there is a direct victim.
Thou shalt not worship Pop Idols or follow Lostprophets.
Thou shalt not take the names of Johnny Cash, Joe Strummer, Johnny Hartman, Desmond Dekker, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix or Syd Barrett in vain.
Thou shalt not think any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a paedophile. Some people are just nice.
Thou shalt not read NME.
Thou shalt not stop liking a band just because they've become popular.
Thou shalt not question Stephen Fry.
Thou shalt not judge a book by its cover.
Thou shalt not judge Lethal Weapon by Danny Glover.
Thou shalt not buy Coca-Cola products.
Thou shalt not buy NestlΓ© products.
Thou shalt not go into the woods with your boyfriend's best friend, take drugs and cheat on him.
Thou shalt not fall in love so easily.
Thou shalt not use poetry, art or music to get into girls' pants. Use it to get into their heads.
Thou shalt not watch Hollyoaks.
Thou shalt not attend an open mic and leave as soon as you've done your shitty little poem or song you self-righteous prick.
Thou shalt not return to the same club or bar week in, week out just 'cause you once saw a girl there that you fancied that you're never gonna fucking talk to.
There's a second verse, but I think I'll leave it at that.
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Thou who smelt it, thine own self dealt it.
They're on the prop from Mel Brooks' History of the World Part I
IIRC--and its been a long time since I've bothered reading the bible--what happened is that Moses got one set of commandments from god, came down from the mountain, sand saw the Israelites worshiping a gold cow. He got mad, broke the tablets the laws were on, and then disposed of the Israelites that were engaging in idolatry. Then he went back up the mountain and got the rules we call the ten commandments.
From memory: correct.
From vaguer memory the second set were different.
So we already have commandments 11-20.
That was my understanding too; god gave one set of commandments to Moses at first, because I guess s/he couldn't see what the Israelites were doing while he was talking to Moses? Then he gets pissed when Moses tells him, and gives the dumbed-down version. Supposedly that's where you get Jesus saying that he fulfills the law, e.g., the laws of strict observances in Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy were because the Jews weren't ready for a 'higher' law that used more personal judgement.
Thou shalt not be a poo poo head
Thou shalt not hold unbelievers to the moral standards thou agreedest to and that only applyeth to thee
Thou shalt not giveth a shitteth about shitteth that is not thine own
Thou shalt not complain of thy neighbor whilst leaving the identity of thy neighbor ambiguous.
The other tablet only had one commandment, chiseled extra large for emphasis:
Above all else, do no harm.
Don't take the Bible too literally
- Thou really believed me, idiot? Do whatever the fuck you want. I don't care
Thou shall not leave a shitstreak in the bowl, if you do so use the brush before leaving.
Nah, I leave it to assert dominance
Thou shalt not kill
That's literally the sixth commandment.
No one seems to be paying much attention to it.
The commandment so nice he wrote it twice.
Well some (most?) people don't pay a lot of attention to it so it deserves to be said again
The ones that make the most sense to me as stuff Moses might say.
-
Thou shalt trust honest people, for why would one be honest if nothing comes from it
-
Thou shalt not assume things, to assume is often more destructive than lying
-
Thou shalt not cheat in games and anything with a justified set list of rules
-
Thou shalt not intentionally cause mental illness, for it is equal to murder
-
Thou shalt not gatekeep or deny another person's rightful union
Wow, those really sound like they could have been from the Bible (also bonuses point to you for coming up with a serious suggestion). Here, you win the Nobel prize in Prophetry*! Your basically the new Moses, and we shall follow you!
/s (it's sarcasm but keep the Nobel prize, you deserve it (*v*)/ []-[]Β¬ )
* Prophetry is supposed to mean "being a prophet" but I just made that word up
Thou shall chill out and just hang out
Thou shalt not delude thyself.
Thou shalt not get caught.
Do as I say, not as I do.
If more people acknowledged the massive hypocrisy of the christian bible, the world might have been a better place.
- Thou shall not deny thy neighbour the right to your software
- Thou shall obey Micro$oft
- Thou shalt have no other operating system before Linux
- Thou shalt not take the name of Tux thy prophet in vain
- Thou shall not desire Chrome, thy weapon of Google
My English is not perfect so if you can please help with the old school English, especially point one and five
"sorry it was a joke"