Asklemmy

I'm a waitress. As long as you're not making a mess, and you're keeping company with people who are patronizing the establishment, you're fine. You said you're filling your own water bottle? Sounds like you're making no additional work for the service staff, so don't worry about it.

I would go with something along the lines of: "it's called responsibility, Friend. I have my own finances to consider, and I am not responsible for the bookkeeping of this establishment. There is no drink minimum. Let the bar's business be theirs, mine be mine, and yours be your own."

You're not a bum. She's being rude saying so.

The business is there to make money, so naturally they want everybody there to spend money. And businesses have been very successful in making people think they have to justify their presence. It's ok to not have something squeezed out of you just for being there. If it's a problem for the business, let them speak up, but having people try and shame others into doing things they don't want to do is not behavior I would want in my social groups.

As a person who worked in the industry for a decade, they clearly don't care, or they would have said something. I'd only care if you were starting trouble and that is clearly not the case. Some bars will care about bringing in outside food or drinks, but that's about it.

My honest advice: just order a water from the bar. In most bars (at least in America) the water is free and the bartender will just assume you're the DD, and it might shut your clearly crazy/controlling friend there up.

Look, she's obviously being passive aggressive towards you. The guy saying "tell her to buy you something if she's uncomfortable" is spot on. She's trying to shame you over being different, aka tall poppy syndrome. Show some teeth or she will keep pecking at you. Yes, talk it with the group. If everyone agrees with this bitch it's time to find yourself better friends. You shouldn't be providing an excuse for why you don't want to buy or consume something. Maybe you are not hungry, or you don't want to drink alcohol that late on a weekday or maybe you do intermittent fasting- who knows, what gives, wtf. Seriously.

You are not doing anything wrong. She is a bitch.

You’re not doing anything wrong. As far as the name caller is concerned, find a way to respond to her politely yet firmly. Don’t sink to her level, or create reasons for others to criticize your behavior, but don’t take her abuse, either.

Perhaps act surprised if she brings it up again. “I told you that I don’t buy things from bars, and that I’d continue this behavior. What is unclear about that?” You have explained yourself as thoroughly as you need to. Don’t let her put you on the defensive. If she wants to make it an issue, that’s her problem. It’s her turn to explain herself.

Just tell her, "I didn't pick the place, you all did. If you'd like me to leave, I will."

I don't know your local customs, but I would say it is normal for a large group to have one or two people not buy something, but also normal to enforce a no outside food or drink policy. Personally, I wouldn't feel weird not ordering, but I wouldn't eat or drink outside food or beverage while there.

If someone commented on it I'd just ignore them and if pressed, tell them if the bar has a policy they need to post it. Her getting upset is likely second hand embarrassment due to their own insecurities.

Unless your friend works at this place, or any of the staff confront you on it, you aren't doing anything wrong. The bar appreciates the business from your friends, they aren't going to get tied up in a knot just because someone brought in their own water to drink.

Unruly or entitled behaviour will get your group kicked out, paying customers or not.

Talk to the bartender. If they're fine with it, she has no leg to stand on. If they take issue... well, you have your answer.

If you came there by yourself or with one other person and didn't buy anything, she would probably be right... But if you're in a group, you're fine not to buy anything.

Either way, she's a dick for embarrassing you in front of the rest.

Initially I was kind of on her side but thinking about it I can't really justify it. As long as the establishment is cool with it you're good. If you're bringing your own food in that's a little worse IMO but the main thing is if you're not spending money don't create more work for them. Just occupying a seat at a table with a group who's all buying stuff should be fine.

As far as the staff are concerned If the place is packed then I think it's a tad dickish to repeatedly not get anything. It's there's still lots of free space then it's no big deal.

WRT to your other buddies you are taking a bit of a privilege, if all the other people you were going with were also unwilling to buy anything then you would run into trouble wouldn't you. Pointing out someone isn't buying is imo much much ruder though.

Although personally dropping a fiver every 2 weeks to avoid interpersonal conflict seems like a pretty good deal. Ultimately how your other friends view it and the social standing of the complainer matter a lot. If the hobby has shared supplies I would make extra sure that you are contributing your fair share there.

If the bar cared they would say something to you.

Gut shot, I'd say it reads as mooch behavior.

When I was a sophomore in high school, my friends liked to hang out in a place called Coffee Talk.

It was this home that was never demolished in an area that long before was redistricted as industrial.

I'd go along. I had no money.

It was a cool cozy place to be and I enjoyed chilling there with the company of my friends.

They had a little money.

None of us were inclined to caffeine (the thrust of the revenue of a business called Coffee Talk).

Regularly, the crew would file in and would buy a 5 dollar red bull each that usually wasn't even opened, and then chill for HOURS.

I went through similar conversations. Most stressing "I feel the need to buy an extra drink to make up for you being here, and I don't particularly like paying your way."

Coffee Talk wasn't a youth center. It wasn't a YMCA. It was a crew of about 7 working hard to host a cozy chill spot funded by coffee sales with an open mic stage to resist this landmark being demolished and turned into annex parking for one of the neighboring office buildings.

My ass dirtied the seats. I disheveled the board game room many times.

I hadn't yet learned to have the situational awareness to see the difference between hanging at home, or at school, or at Coffee Talk.

A big part of me getting my first job was so I could pick up an "antique" from Coffee Talk for 5 to 12 bucks since I had no desire to purchase a coffee from Coffee Talk, but i wanted to be at Coffee Talk with my friends, and it was a business, not a community center funded as charity by a mysterious benefactor.

So... you can be a mooch, but your group doesn't want to be told to fuck off because they are taking more than they are giving, so you risk getting dropped off the invites.

Name-calling isn't necessary at all, if that's what happening. That said, would you behave this way in a restaurant?

I organise a small group gathering at a local pub sometimes with people who aren't close friends. If it's just one person not buying in a decent sized group, then it doesn't cause a problem for the venue as far as I know. When we're huddled in a corner it's hard to tell who has what drink.

But you simply wouldn't get away with that if it wasn't for the others buying drinks and we do so to "pay the rent" so to speak. So when that happens there is a vibe of "I'm fine with you guys covering me here". Saying "I don't spend money in bars" isn't that different to saying "I let others spend their money at bars".

Now if this was a group of good friends, or someone I knew was struggling financially, I'd be fine with it.

If you routinely go to the same bar I would try to buy something occasionaly though. Just to support the venue.

tell them that you're the designated driver and you cant drink - and you want to talk to their manager.

they'll gtfo

Fuck her. They aren’t going to throw you out when the rest are spending. And you’re putting nothing on the staff just sitting at a table in a group. Tell her to stfu and mind her own business.