this post was submitted on 12 Jul 2023
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The reason behind the rules might help with that. Don't be a dick and be nice are more about being respectful and understanding than following etiquette. From my point of view at least. The specific way you act is not a problem until it's related to another person.
What I mean is that the way people perceive you is the important part. If someone accuses you of being a dick and you disagree, don't defend your words, explain your attitude. At the same time, don't go around accusing people of beings dicks and try to see if it's not just miscommunication.
The letter of the law entitle people to not care for any harm they cause if it's in their rights. Then there are the people that realize pain is what the law tries to avoid and act to correct themselves without the need of being guilty.
I personally know people that would argue etiquette is a form of kindness. They unironically think there's a connection between where the spoon goes and murder. This is of course not true, but the ability to transcend your own cultural context and look at humanity as a whole is surprisingly rare.
If we could all do that, then maybe specific rules would always be unnecessary. But again, that's not my lived experience.