Chat

7498 readers

4 users here now

Relaxed section for discussion and debate that doesn't fit anywhere else. Whether it's advice, how your week is going, a link that's at the back of your mind, or something like that, it can likely go here.

Subcommunities on Beehaw:

AskBeehaw

This community's icon was made by Aaron Schneider, under the CC-BY-NC-SA 4.0 license.

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

remington

alyaza

Men, how do you show affection to your male friends? (self.chat)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by earthshatteringkboom to c/chat

15 comments fedilink hide all child comments

As a man in his 50's who grew up in the southern US, I rarely saw men showing any outward affection to their platonic male friends. Sure, you'd see a congratulatory pat on the butt playing sports, but that's about it.

Interestingly, before that back in the 1940's and 50's, men were much more outwardly affectionate toward each other. I assumed the change was mainly due to societal pressures about homosexuality and the "hugging is for sissies" mentality. In the past 20 years that pendulum has swung back again and you see it more often.

So I'm curious what it's like in your friend group? Are you uncomfortable with it? How do you tell your friends you love them? Or do you?

Edit: to clarify the title

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] Wahots@pawb.social 2 points 1 year ago

Full disclosure, I'm bisexual, but that doesn't really have any bearing on my male friendships. Generally, I treat my male friends the same way as female friends that I love, with a good hug and then ask them about what they have been up to and what the latest is in their family :)

A decent blend of my friends are queer, but I also have straight friends that are also huggy like that. I do tell my friends I love them, and we all know each other well enough that they know what I mean by that, hahah. That whole "men can't hug/cry/snuggle thing is such horseshit, haha. Men are people too, and my sexuality made me realize that men and women are almost identical, just approaching problems in different ways, and social structures being slightly different (men usually need an activity/something to hold in their hands when socializing. This can be a ball, a drink, a paddle, a gun, a game controller, a bucket of KFC, etc.)

You ever notice how some men completely melt when they play with dogs? Or how some men are only snuggly with women? They can also be that way with other guys, it really just comes down to shyness and the perception that it might be interpreted as gay. Which it's not, lol. Honestly, you look at other cultures where it's not a thing to be so painfully uptight and macho and you start to wonder how we ever even got here. It's so much easier to just chill and not give a fuck, since nobody walking by really cares. :)