this post was submitted on 22 Sep 2023
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Asklemmy
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I moderate a couple of light hearted communities pretty strictly. Name calling is not allowed, neither is arguing. Discussion is fine, but the second I see it become unpleasant, I shut it down.
That said, I’m the main contributor to the majority of my communities and I’ve dramatically decreased the amount of posts I make over the last couple of weeks. There’s a lot more criticism and negativity lately, and some of the abusive messages I receive after asking someone to abide by the rules are straight up unhinged. I have to moderate closely to keep it enjoyable and honestly, I don’t have the time or the inclination to deal with the nastiness at the moment. The crappy mod tools don’t help, and neither does me living in the UK when the majority of commenters are in the USA.
But anyway, check out the community rules and the stickied mod post in !dontyouknowwhoiam@lemmy.world They might give you a starting point to create a nicer community.
The others I moderate - !confidently_incorrect@lemmy.world !clevercomebacks@feddit.uk !murderedbywords@feddit.uk and !badrealestate@feddit.uk - all have similar rules, with varying degrees of success. !badrealestate is definitely the “nicest” community I moderate - it’s pretty hard to get worked up over estate agent photos.
ETA: SomeoneElseMod@feddit.uk is my mod account, I forgot to switch.
Fixed links.
Wow! Thanks for this awesome explanation! It seems like there are a lot less people on lemmy than it seems. :)
I think there would also be people who benefit if stuff here got a lot more vile. That’s something we shouldn’t forget. Reddit and Twitter for example have ample motive to spread hate here.
There are bad actors for sure, but I think my naivety is partly to blame. I really enjoy discussing all sorts of topics and hearing all sorts of views - it’s an essential part of learning and growing imo. So I haven’t shied away from posting screenshots in my communities that touch on “controversial” subjects. Lemmy seemed so much nicer than Reddit at first, I truly thought I could help develop communities that discussed any topic in a calm, informative, respectful manner - particularly because these are light hearted communities. But it’s not to be. I wasn’t expecting an online utopia, but things have definitely shifted from “I disagree with you because XYZ” to “go fuck yourself you wanker” and it’s really disheartening.
I haven’t been a mod before and I really dislike the automatic mod = power hungry narcissist stereotype. I’m so careful to be polite, transparent and understanding when I act in a moderator capacity because I’ve had to deal with the less scrupulous Reddit mods in the past too. But honestly, the majority of people I have to remind to follow the rules are just so horrible that I don’t want to do it anymore. It’s like they’re stuck in the Reddit mindset of “everyone’s a dick, so you might as well be one too” or “it doesn’t matter what I say because this is anonymous”.
Shout out to the person who called me a “sycophantic child molester” after I gave them a warning for insulting 4 separate people. And the one who said I had “a personal moral failing” when I wouldn’t ban another user who hadn’t broken the rules. You suck.
Jeez! You're kind of the person I would like to associate with. I really feel you and it means a lot that you put yourself out there like this.
I'm a little different in parts but also the same in a lot of ways. Most notably, I'm autistic and I know it. Also, in my specific case, I tend to be brutally honest whereas honest is bold and brutally is the part I try to keep low because I really don't want to hurt someone. The interesting part is that I don't abide by social rules, mostly because I don't understand them or don't even see them.
This leads to very interesting situations. My strong sense for right and wrong (pretty binary, as well) leads me to look for the person who started to insult the other one because had they (for example) stayed constructive, the situation would have gone differently. But obviously I have a sence of nuance (after 36 yrs on this planet, even my autistic head does let in outside influence). So I don't just crash into someone I think has done wrong but my understanding of this right or wrong is very strong and a bit thickheaded. I mediate myself to not make people miserable.
What this also means is that if I tell someone my honest opinion, they often can't see how I got to that conclusion and I have no idea that they don't, so I'm shocked when they call me names (psychopath, narcissist, cruel and others) while I ask them to just explain to me why they see it different. Then (recently more on lemmy) they pile onto me like a gang of rabid dogs when I'm the only food available.
And it wouldn't be as ironic if the overwhelming conclusion after hours of back and forth and me explaining/asking and them beating me up wouldn't always be "Ok, so you're actually correct and it was a misunderstanding, tough luck I guess." (as said by the people doing the beating, btw.) This accidentally coincides with an old friend from elementary school joking about me getting beaten up all the time for "inventing words" which he much later learned were just very obscure and he learned at the age of 30.
Hi! Just meant to check out some of your links, and they are not working for me. Perhaps some formatting issue?
I’m useless at links 🤦🏼♀️ try these:
!badrealestate@feddit.uk !confidently_incorrect@lemmy.world !murderedbywords@feddit.uk !clevercomebacks@feddit.uk !dontyouknowwhoiam@lemmy.world
I'm no better at them- thanks for fixing them, they work now!
No problem - thanks for letting me know!