Like a handful of other people in the comments I never dress up or wear makeup, it's black pants and a t-shirt for me. It's usually a graphic t-shirt that is silly so if someone's like "oh cute t-shirt" sure, that's fine. But if they're talking to me specifically cute feels infantilizing. I'm a 33-Year-Old woman, I either look fine, nice, beautiful, or like a deranged raccoon holding a knife.
this post was submitted on 06 Aug 2024
58 points (100.0% liked)
Asklemmy
1456 readers
60 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy π
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
Depends on context. "Cute" can be infantalizing and condescending, or not, or somewhere in between. In general, any blanket statements about relationships comes down to context.
If my partner calls me cute, yes, I like that. Anyone else, it's very context specific. Do I know you and like you and trust you and your opinions? Then probably yes, otherwise pretty much always no.
Your username is so peak holy shit (sorry, carry on with the topic at hand)
lol thanks!
As a male approaching middle-age this thread is confirming a lot of my suspicions that I never really had a firm understanding of. -Commenting on someone else's aesthetic appeal in relation to oneself seems to be an often questionable practice, especially if it's not someone one knows well.
My womanhood is complicated, but I love being called cute. Makes me beam a big smile.
It's only really fine if someone calls me an appearance-based compliment if they're my partner or a woman that I'm close to.
So what Iβm gleaming from this, all other things being equal:
- objects (clothes, accessories): okay
- the person themselve: not so much
The word you're looking for is 'gleaning'; 'gleaming' is more like 'shiny'.
Two of the comments so far mention "cute" as response to clothes/aesthetics. Just two.
Don't make blanket statements for interacting with women (or people in general) based on two internet comments. Please. Two comments.
For me, if anything, it depends on intentions. Most often though I'm just told I'm attention-seeking as opposed to cute, even with things like my clothing which consists of the same few things in circulation.
I love being called cute by people I know and have a relationship with! I try to channel cuteness, so it is definitely a compliment for me :)
If you want to say you like how I look compliment one of the grooming, fashion, or accessory choices, and I'll get the hint.
Hell, compliment my muscles. Literally just compliment anything I have agency over.
Depends on who's saying it.
- Creep: pls don't approach
- Anyone else: thank you!
Yes because I am cute. Actually. Thatβs my aesthetic.
Edit: I see a lot of people calling it infantilizing, but itβs my personality. And Iβm older than other people on here have said they are.
Not a woman, but I think what it comes down to is: the other person needs to immediately know what you mean when you say it without you having to explain it, or else it will be a mix of confusing/unsettling/creepy.
If they use the word "cute" a lot to describe things they like or looks they are going for, then it could be taken well. If they never use it and you don't either, then it will probably be percieved as unsettling. If they get hung up for any reason on what it means for you to call them "cute" (or any other adjective), then it's not coming across how you want.
really depends on the context. if i'm showing off my cosplay, no. If I'm receiving an award and posing for the camera -- yeah my looks aren't relevant.
For me being cute is not a looks thing but more of a behaviour/personality compliment so i like it
In the context you've given, sure! I like it but I have trouble believing people when they say it.
If it's meant as a compliment and the person isn't getting a creep, I take it as a compliment.
Cute used to describe a person? May work out in some cases, but in most it really will not for various reasons. She may feel you're infantilizing her, you don't find her appealing as a woman or appealing for the wrong reasons, you belittle her ...
As many wrote, used to describe her choices it's perfectly fine though.
If you're looking for a way to express how this person makes you feel - for example a continuous stream of "awwwww" may be expressed by calling someone cute - rather describe your feeling: "I could fawn over you all day." Ideally you also explain why, so it's clear where this is coming from: "The way you dress is a perfect compliment to your outgoing personality. I really enjoy just watching you exist."
Depending on who you want to be to this person and how far along on that road you are, my examples may work or be entirely out of question.
OK, this one is a really interesting one.
Of course not. It's not like I'm Judy Hopps.
Male here. There are many contexts. If I was still in high school, and a coach says "Don't be cute with me", I would take it as a compliment. It would mean I was doing a good job pissing him off.