hey beehaw team :) this is partly advice seeking and partly just wanting to share my experience and hopefully hear how others feel about he topic. i’m not sure if this is the right community for this either, but hopefully it is!

i’m a cis woman who’s always been a fair bit interested in both femininity and androgyny for my hair and clothing, but lately i’ve been feeling more of a pull than usual to present in a more masculine/butch leaning way. to the point where i’m even considering trying out binding, which i’ve never really thought about before.

i’m a bit conflicted though about all of this, because i do know i have some internalized misogyny regarding femininity being inferior to masculinity. i’m having difficulty telling if i’d like to present more masc because i think femininity is stupid/not cool, or if it’s something i actually want.

does anyone have any advice/thoughts to share about this? i don’t really have anyone irl i can talk to about this, so any input would be really appreciated <3

to be clear, i am not questioning my gender here. i like and use she/her pronouns and am not interested in any others.

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[–] jennifilm 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think the difference between gender and expression is a good one here - how you express your gender and present to the outside world is and can be totally different to what your gender is - leaning more masculine/butch in your presentation, like you say, doesn’t have to mean anything about your gender.

It can also be useful to detach styles of presentation from the idea of masculine or feminine - when it comes down to it, clothes are just fabric - the gender is something we code into it. I hear you about your feelings around femininity and internalised misogyny - but that could be something you figure out in tandem with your appearance. Humans are complex, and it’s not always possible to figure out one thing after another so neatly, and you might be doing yourself a disservice by trying to figure out your feelings around it first, when you could be trying it and figuring out how you feel about it at the same time!

[–] thumbtack 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

i appreciate what you’re saying about presentation being different from gender- i’m pretty sure i’m cis, and if i’m going to question that i’d like it to be on my own terms i suppose. but it can be hard to talk about wanting to be GNC sometimes because i feel like others will assume/push that i might not actually be cis. i know this is well intentioned, and could even be true, but idk i just would rather come to my own conclusions than feel like others are pushing me into it maybe.

i see what you’re saying about detaching gender from clothing, and figuring out feelings about femininity/internalized misogyny as i go, but i’m not sure that i agree. i think that part of why i want to appear more masc is that i want to look cooler (i know i sound like i’m 12 when i say that lol) and what’s uncomfortable to me is that im associating being ‘cool’ with being masc and men. like, does that not sound like i have internalized misogyny? same with feeling like my friends who are girls are shallow/vapid when they say they don’t want to use male body wash because they don’t want to smell like a guy. it just feels like i’m the one who’s actually being weird about it all.

i’m sorry this is a little rambly, i’m a bit tired. i can clarify on anything you need me to haha :)

[–] jennifilm 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Absolutely - we have to get so much better at letting people talk about gender, presentation, style, and how they feel about it without making assumptions or getting pushy about it. I can totally understand where it comes from - there are so many moments in my life where I feel like I totally should’ve realised about my gender earlier, and I think that eagerness comes from similar experiences and wanting to help, but people need room to have their own experiences. We could absolutely use far more discussion with/from/about cis people with styles and presentations outside the standards and norms - there’s so much room for everyone to feel free exploring and playing more.

I totally hear you, and that sounds real complex! I don’t have any easy answers here unfortunately, other than recommending what it sounds like you’re already doing - having an open mind and feeling comfortable with having a play. I think doing some intentional reflection about masculinity and femininity, how you feel about them both, what you associate with them, and how you feel most comfortable presenting might be a useful and interesting exercise here! Because you’re wanting to look cooler, it might be interesting to do some style research on both feminine and masculine styles you think look cool - remembering that both of those are just social constructs we’ve created and that there are heaps of ways to be feminine and heaps of ways to be masculine.

Happy to help in any way I can!

[–] thumbtack 2 points 1 year ago

thank you for the insight, i think these are good ideas. i’ll try what you’ve mentioned and see how it goes :)