Kindajustlikewhat

Thank you so much. I feel your big hug and it's appreciated. I do have a therapist I see for my depression and ptsd. I will definitely talk about this with her.

Your empathy stretches beyond even the topic at hand. You hit the nail on the head when you say that suffering added on to existing suffering makes everything more complicated.

If I were mentally healthy right now I think I would process my sexual identity more easily. But for 3 years I've been struggling with annihilating depression.

Writing this is also a helpful reminder that I'm not in the best spot to figure it all out right now, and that I don't have to. I can sit with these somewhat complicated feelings for now and wait for when I'm healthier to open the box. At least I've acknowledged the box for now, instead of shoving it in the closet (har har).

Thank you again for your empathy and kindness. Really.

My boyfriend is, thank god, the most supportive and loving person I know. I have talked to him about it a bit... It's just a lot and I haven't wrapped my head around it myself. Making this post and everyone's input has actually been helpful to me. I do want to talk about it more with him, and I know he'll love and accept me no matter what.

I love space but I know I'll never be an astronaut and go there, yet that doesn't make my desire to see the stars any less real and valid.

I actually love this and it legitimately makes me feel better lol

I've had persona 5 on my wishlist foreeeeeeever but even on sale it's so expensive.

Honestly I played it for the first time last year and... It's good but I don't understand the hype? The story in 2022 didn't blow my mind. Definitely fun and I still recommend though.

Off the top of my head I feel like reframing as POC instead of white-identifying would ask the same question, but be less inflammatory to white people who are afraid of the word "white".

Tbh though the reality is those who are focusing on the pedantic word instead of the intent are likely looking for a reason to be unhappy... But asking for POC identification is more in line with what I'm used to seeing in diversity reports (admittedly white VS non-white is a bit... Blunt).

(edit for adding that white vs non-white being off-putting for a biracial person with mixed feelings on their race actually makes a lot of sense)

I like to say that everyone deserves white privilege... Including white people! Thanks for showing up and trying to be a good person!

Exactly on the identity piece, although I do kind of feel like I missed out. I keep thinking about all the times I felt attraction and ran away from it 😅

But I'm with the love of my life too, so, I guess I just move on.

I hope you also sort through the negative stuff in your head! I've ignored it for so long my head spins looking at it directly.

I just looked up the Kinsey scale and the definition of bi there is what kind of messed me up all along. A quick test says I'm a "2, heterosexual with tendencies".

I had this belief that I had to be equally attracted to men and women to be bi, anything less I'm straight as an arrow. I'm attracted to more men than women on average, but I kept stringently calling myself heterosexual because it wasn't 50/50.

I like the idea of the scale but I really don't like how all the shades of gray are just deemed black.

the attention visibly queer and visibly trans people get, at least in my experience, is negative - who gets up in the morning seeking that?

You articulated this particular piece so well for me. I think I'm also struggling because I don't WANT to be queer. Between the mental health issues and the race and gender and and and I just... I didn't want to be bi on top of that. This isn't fun for me. I don't want one more thing my family is going to invalidate and judge me for. I didn't want to recognize my suffering on yet another thing.

But people (especially younger people) around me are getting more vocal and comfortable with their sexuality and I was watching Atypical where this teenager was discovering she was bi and I just hit this wall. I had to skip the scene because I couldn't bear to hear her say, "I'm bi." It just... Hurt. I both envied her and felt shame I wasn't her. But it wasn't the same 15 years ago when I grew up. (which just makes me feel stupid again. 15 years ago is bootycheeks compared to 50 years ago)

My boyfriend is supportive. I'm way more scared of my being bi than he is haha. He did joke that he's fine as long as I don't turn into Carol from Friends.