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Virginity isn't real. It's a label used to shame women by its absence and men by its presence, but doesn't say anything useful about a person.
For you, you're still young. Barely done growing, biologically. Your life isn't over, it's just now beginning.
In some aspects I do feel like it is beginning but also the college life is ending and it felt like these were supposed to be my wild years. And while I did experience many things, sexual relations were not one of them. And it feels like I've lost my chance
Bro you're 24 the only way you've lost your chance is if you decide to give up. There's plenty of people who meet someone in their 40s and are happy nonetheless.
My life only gets more wild the longer I live. College is a good time to start having sex but hardly the only time.
I had my first real gf at 27. Needless to say I had given up years ago. A couple of years later she broke my heart and I started to look for someone else even if I thought I would never get over her. I had a couple of hook ups and a crazy person (super fun sex but not someone I would share my life with!) before giving up on love. 2 months after ending it with crazy person I thought that was the end for intimate relations when I found my current gf and we are happy together today with a son.
Every time I found someone, it was when I had given up. Maybe it made me relax more in the company of girls or it was something else, I don't know but I just didn't care if things would work out or not. I think they can sense that.
Happy belated birthday! Don't worry too much about virginity. Sex is cool, but can be overrated too.
Thank you. I mean its not only about the sex I also just want to be in a nice relationship being aborad without family is hard
Sex, from a physical standpoint, is very overrated, and being a virgin does not actually mean anything. Stop overthinking it.
Good sex is not overrated. It can be immensely satisfying, fun, and romantic, depending on what one is into. It's not for everyone, but for some, once you find the right sexual match and develop some experience with it, it can be so great. It's also very healthy for people to have a good sex life.
"A good sex life" will vary and be different for all.
Fun and romance aren't physical attributes. Sex is great when you're doing it with someone you have a deep connection with, when you're feeling close and connected with that person when you do it. It's intimate not because of the sex itself but the feelings you share for each other. That's what makes it great sex. From a pure physical standpoint I'd say masturbation is much better.
Is not only about the sex but also having a meaningful enough relationship to want to do it with that person
If it's not only about the sex, why was the sex the first (and only) thing you reached for?
Everytime I find someone and start getting along with them really well. I think to my self this will finally be the year which I stop being a virgin. But it just has not worked out.
So you have someone you get along with really well, and instead of being happy about that you whine (and yes, this is whining) about them not having sex with you.
Your focus is on sex and that's the only thing you can change: your focus.
I never said this was my only and first thought but it is part of the topic of the conversation and it is something that crosses my mind but its not the main thing I think about when I'm getting to get to know someone
You didn't say it. You showed it. Of all the things you could mention about meeting people you got along with and enjoyed spending time with, you complained they wouldn't sex you up.
That tells me where your focus is.
You know what? Women can tell when the guy sitting across from us is thinking about us as chiefly a pile of meat that they want to fuck.
That's also not something you can enforce. Don't meet people with the outlook of them becoming your partner. The best relationships are those where you know that person for a long time and have a bond with already. So find ways to make friends instead and just let things happen when they happen.
We occasionally get similar posts here. You might be in a different situation than most of your peers. But certainly not the only one telling this story here on Lemmy. And at 24 you're not even that old compared to other people who are 30 or past that and in a similar situation.
Don't pressure yourself too much. That'd be my advice. Life isn't a competition in who has sex at what age. There is more to it. If you want to focus on career, if if you're too busy or just introverted... That's fine. If you're unhappy and want a partner, go ahead and try to change something about it, go out and socialize, go dating. Just be aware society always tries to pressure us into doing things, like have sex, or a beautiful partner, or buy a big SUV or pickup truck or whatever. The thing is, you're not everyone else but an individual. Go figure what's good for you, and not what everyone else wants you to do. If you let them reduce you to that, that's a sure way to become unhappy.
(Edit: And I can empathize. Any fear of missing out is real. But usually things look more exciting and indispensable than they really are. And you can never change the past. Be a bit careful when growing up not to become some grumpy version of yourself who is just sad about the past and missed opportunities. It's usually more healthy to focus on the opportunities which lie ahead, because these are the ones you can still take.)
Well I have tried to go on dates or try to find someone but I am also picky with the people I choose to go out with. What I take most from your comment is the last part, thank you.
Take care. I figure most people hear all phrases and empty words in situations like that. There might be something true in those phrases but I'm pretty sure they don't light anyone's mood. I think it's completely valid to be picky with dates. I did the same. Also meant I was older than lots of my friends when I found a first partner. Like way older. But these go along. You can't have it both ways.
And reading through the other comments here, it seems you're struggling with your own identity. Who you are, who you want to be and what makes you you... I can only say having had sex is not a big part of what defines someone. It's mainly other things. And btw, if you hook up with someone and their main concern is whether you're virgin or if your body-count is exactly right... They're not paying attention to who you really are. They should like you because you're interesting, or funny, have similar goals in life, or you're a nice person, maybe someone to trust. Those are the important things about people. Focusing just on sex is for people who are mostly concerned with that. I'd say valid if you're looking for someone for a one-night-stand, but next to unimportant to long term relationships.
And with the other milestones in life... I think I already gave my perspective. All the find a girl, build a house, settle down and the proper ages for that originate from other people. You can choose to take it and run with that. Or these aren't meant for you. Sometimes circumstances don't allow for it, sometimes it turns out it's not what makes you happy. And seems you're not in a particularly bad place. You're relatively young, you took care of your education and are about to graduate. You did a good job with that. I agree it'll become harder to meet new people once you start an internship and then start working. And you're at the correct age to re-evaluate your goals and what you achieved. We do that at certain times in our lives. Finding one's identity is hard and a struggle. I don't know your whole story. I mean if you're otherwise well, feel free to explore and/or be who you are. Or change your mind about things. Just try to find your own interests and passions. And take your time with that. If it feels hard to do it, that's because it is. (Disclaimer: All of that is just my perspective on life. Not necessarily true.)
Yeah I mean overall my life is good. I have education, I am financially stable, in good health. But its hard to see where to go from here especially not having found anyone.
Also something I have not mentioned, which I dont know if its valid or stupid to think this way but I would ideally like to lose my virginity with someone else who is a virgin. Since if I have been waiting so long for the right person I would like to feel that way too for them to choose me as the right person
Hmmh, yeah that further narrows down the list of potential candidates. I can't give any good recommendation. To give some insight: Most people say their first time wasn't good sex at all. It's unfamiliar, you don't know what to do, you're stressed out and it doesn't feel good etc. It's certainly exciting and something to remember. But usually not enjoyable. And keep in mind losing virginity is a one-time thing. You can enjoy the look or habits or jokes of someone each day they're around. The virginity thing is something you do one day and then it has lost it's meaning in a way. Idk. Make of this what you will. I can sympathize with someone saying they don't want to experience their first time with some random person but with someone special. I think that's valid. The other way around is a bit more tricky. You can't really expect that from someone. You can try. At the same time be aware of your high standards and expectations. That doesn't mean you have to lower your standards. But you could squander a chance at meeting your potential partner if you're not open to it. And these things happen if you're focused on small details and that makes you unable to look at the whole picture of who someone is.
And the last thing, we all can't look into the future. Statistically, your first partner won't end up being your spouse. It's a nice romantic dream to marry your first love. But more something from a movie. So if you're going for that, that could also turn out to be a fruitless endeavor. In any case, you'll know in hindsight. But I really don't know how much effort to put into making a fist relationship perfect. Maybe it's a good idea to strive for it, but not be entirely crestfallen if it turns out differently.
I'm surprised no one has tried to give any dating advice here. OP, regardless of the virginity thing, do you want to find a romantic partner? It's entirely reasonable to want both romance and sex.
Here's what's worked for me:
That's the basic outline. If you're meeting people that are sort of like what you're looking for, but not quite, that's an indication that you're on the right track and should keep at it. Dating is a grind and requires patience.
In terms of confidence/chill, that means:
I'll be 25 in one more month on the 16th. Unless someone is from a culture where the standards are lower (because the definition of virginity changes based on culture, demonstrating how much of a social construct it is), I'm still a virgin (even as a woman) but I don't really care that I'm one. I didn't care for physical expressions of love before trying them out, then tried just enough out to know if I want it, and still didn't care for them enough to seek them out. Physical fulfillment is very overinflated.
The fact that you're worried so much about it is probably one of the reasons why it hasn't happened yet.
Honestly, depending on where you live, maybe you should just hire a prostitute. Get it over with and then it's no longer an obstacle. Plus chances are your first time will be with someone who knows what they are doing, and I promise you, that makes a pretty big difference.