I put that stuff in my pannier bag, and just keep the access card to my building's parking lot in a zippered pocket in my shorts.
The article is full of racist dog whistles and conspiracies, as well as fallacies about the economic reality and the comments are 10x worse.
In order to not set a precedent of charging money for search and rescue services, they should just charge a special one-time 80% inheritance tax on his estate.
These are cheap, sharp, easy to maintain, and you don't feel too bad if they get lost. I lent my son my suitcase, with my previous no.8 in the inside pocket by accident and he made it through three airports before the TSA in Chicago confiscated it. Apart from the memories it held, it was no huge loss and i had it replaced the next day.
This is related to big pickup trucks too.