this post was submitted on 05 Mar 2024
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So I've realized that in conversations I'll use traditional terms for men as general terms for all genders, both singularly and for groups. I always mean it well, but I've been thinking that it's not as inclusive to women/trans people.

For example I would say:

"What's up guys?" "How's it going man?" "Good job, my dude!โ€ etc.

Replacing these terms with person, people, etc sounds awkward. Y'all works but sounds very southern US (nowhere near where I am located) so it sounds out of place.

So what are some better options?

Edit: thanks for all the answers peoples, I appreciate the honest ones and some of the funny ones.

The simplest approach is to just drop the usage of guys, man, etc. Folks for groups and mate for singular appeal to me when I do want to add one in between friends.

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[โ€“] intensely_human@lemm.ee 24 points 8 months ago (3 children)

Man, guys, buddy, etc

Just use them as gender neutral. Done.

[โ€“] OurToothbrush@lemmy.ml 5 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (2 children)

How many guys have you had sex with recently?

[โ€“] jsomae@lemmy.ml 5 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

It's context-dependent. "They" as gender-neutral was also considered context-dependent until recently.

  • "I met someone and they said..." would have been accepted generally
  • "I met a woman and they said..." is only recently acceptable.
[โ€“] OurToothbrush@lemmy.ml 6 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I agree that it can sometimes be gender neutral. I do not agree that it is gender neutral.

Referring to a group of people with a trans woman in it as "you guys" is passive aggressive for example.

[โ€“] jsomae@lemmy.ml 6 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

It would be worse to treat trans women differently than other women.

Some people object to this usage of "you guys." Some people also object to "y'all." I know someone who dislikes "y'all" because it reminds them of confederacy and slavery.

If there is someone who expresses discomfort with certain words, it's usually best to avoid those words in their presence.

By the way, nobody can be expected to know whether or not a woman they are talking to is transgender. "You guys" should not be avoided for the sake of trans women if it isn't avoided for the sake of all women.

[โ€“] OurToothbrush@lemmy.ml 5 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Literally a trans woman. It is also rude to cis women but cis women don't really worry about being misgendered the same way.

[โ€“] jsomae@lemmy.ml 4 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Literally a cis woman. I'll avoid calling you you guys. My trans friends approve of its usage though. I don't find its usage rude when applied to me. Please don't try to play the identity card just to win an argument.

[โ€“] OurToothbrush@lemmy.ml 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

How much have you read on setting male as the default as it relates to misogyny?

[โ€“] jsomae@lemmy.ml 2 points 8 months ago

I'll take s/actress/actor/g any day of the week.

[โ€“] TheGalacticVoid@lemm.ee 2 points 8 months ago

Hoe isn't really a gender-neutral term. It's really rude to call someone a gardening tool.

[โ€“] TheGalacticVoid@lemm.ee 3 points 8 months ago

Tack on bro, sis, king, queen, and dude, and you've got a ton of words to choose from

[โ€“] KeenFlame@feddit.nu 1 points 8 months ago

They specifically asked for a gender neutral option to these.