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How do I cope with my father hating me? (lemm.ee)

submitted 11 months ago by Cap@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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My father, who convinced me (16 m) at the time to move in with him instead of my mother when they moved. All 3 of the other siblings stayed with my mother. He then kicked me out the week I turned 18, a week into my senior year. Since then he stays in touch only to speak with his grandchildren (now going on 4 kids). I have never been anything but opportunistic and positive in our interactions. Regardless he still acts like I am a burden to talk too. Am now 37, and finally getting to the point I should accept it. I'm the complete opposite with my own children and can't comprehend how someone could treat their child like this. How do I cope? It eats at me. I will answer any questions in depth if it will help in understanding the situation.

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[–] YtA4QCam2A9j7EfTgHrH@infosec.pub 26 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I’m sorry you are going through this. I haven’t had any experience like this besides having an alcoholic sister.

But I’d just suggest that you need to try to come to terms with the fact that your pop seems like an asshole. This is all speculation. I bet he convinced you to stay with him as a way to hurt your mom. You as a person were not important to him, but he wanted to use you. So when you turned 18, he didn’t want to deal with you anymore because it cost him more than he got out of it.

You can’t do anything to change him, you can just work on you. For me with my sister, I just sort of accepted that she is who she is and I’ll never have the relationship I wanted with her. I don’t go out my way to avoid her, but I certainly don’t really ever try to interact with her. It has worked, but the relationship between siblings is less important I think than a parent child relationship.

Maybe therapy could help? Or read up on narcissistic personality disorder and see if that fits your dad.

[–] Cap@lemm.ee 9 points 11 months ago

Thanks for the response