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Relaxed section for discussion and debate that doesn't fit anywhere else. Whether it's advice, how your week is going, a link that's at the back of your mind, or something like that, it can likely go here.


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I was talking with a friend today about Hallmark movies because we all seem to have at least one grandma who loves them around this time of year, and we're hashing out the tropes they all share because they're so formulaic that you could probably boil it down to a mad libs prompt, and something dawned on me because of one particular similarity, not in every film, but a lot of them - the Heroine quitting her high-stress executive job to move to a quaint little town and settle down with Mr. Right. It struck me as deeply misogynistic that the movies imply she can't have both and that her career goals aren't worth it compared to getting some dick.

The other side of that coin is, in almost every single one of these movies, the guy is a Prince who needs to marry, or secretly loaded, or otherwise financially stable unless the plot revolves around his family whatever on the brink of closure that the Heroine steps in to help save the day, and he's shown to be a good-if-distant dad to his kids, if he has any, but needs help raising them because work keeps him busy, or his nanny's retiring. It's never implied that he should be the one giving up his lifestyle to be a better partner for her; The only thing Mr. Right is ever doing wrong in these movies, if anything, is just not already being with her, and I get that these films are basically wish fulfillment fics, but she is always the one who has to make a change for him, to basically be a stay at home mom, or step closer to it than she was at the beginning of the film. Does anybody else see that? Am I wrong in thinking that's absolutely fucking greasy?

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I was just running through these, and, I think they're rather illuminating.

First wedding: Processional: Andres Segovia - Recuerdos de la Alhambra

a track I associate with family ski trips

Recessional: The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony let's not talk about the implications

It should be noted that our vows were "for as long as it works."

Second round: Processional (and this was truly brilliant): Harry Belafonte - Hole in the Bucket (careful what you first fuck to)

Recessional: Chihiro Onitsuka - Innocence

a track I looked up after an ad from Applied Materials

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submitted 11 months ago by taanegl to c/chat
 
 

If there's one phrase that has echoed in the back of my mind, it's that I have no family, and by that I mean no children or spouse - and I'm middle aged.

I have relatives of course, sisters, nieces, nephews and a grandma. Both my parents died some years ago, so there's no going home to them. My sister's are so busy with their lives, and one actively ignores me, largely because she's dealing with her own issues.

I'm not going to grandma's, because my crazy creationist cunt of an aunt will probably call me a communist atheist while she parrots Isreali propaganda. I'd rather be alone than face that, which is sad AF since grandma is selling the family house and this will be the last year we can spend Christmas there.

Add to that the fact I never really had a full relationship because I focused all my time developing skills, something that used to bring me joy and the promise of success, but now I sort of hate what I do and haven't been able to reach success. I've all but abandoned my dream and am deeply insecure about my future. In effect I have worked long and hard with nothing to show for it.

I have no feeling of belonging with my own countrymen even, and the foreigners are so self conscious that you instantly get pegged as "one of them", "the other", as they treat you as an inferior because they them selves have been made to feel inferior and feel the need to cope via toxicity. Can't turn around without being slapped with some social pressure or putdown. I don't feel like dealing with anyone.

This will be the second Christmas I spend alone and I don't really feel like reaching out. I feel like a burden, like someone who has to be catered to, facilitated, tolerated. My only want is an escape. Whether that means leaving the country, joining a cult, moving out into a cave, I don't know.

I just don't know how to deal. I can't really relate to anyone and I can't find anyone I can trust, or who I feel I can confide in. So I take to the internet, to completely random strangers for respite.

Tell me your stories of loneliness, wether ongoing or from the past, how you intend to deal with it or how you dealt with it.

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submitted 11 months ago by alyaza to c/chat
 
 

i am currently munching on a foot long sub and beginning the latest Native map update

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I worked for many years (hundreds of hours) locating, remastering and uploading content for a fan-based YouTube channel named 'R.E.M. Archive'. I did 99% of the work and was happy to do this for the huge fan base. I believe the channel existed for about 6 years or so.

I had to use the Wayback Machine in order to find an example screenshot of a video description.

A few weeks ago, I checked the email address associated with the channel and found this email from YouTube.

I followed a link, provided in that email, to fill out an appeal form. I, simply, stated that I'd be willing to make any/all adjustments to make the channel compliant with their policy.

And this was the response I received.

I'm not even mad. I will not fight them. This is utter horse shit.

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submitted 11 months ago by alyaza to c/chat
 
 

just finished part one of my latest big project. not much to report; this has kept me very busy for the past week and change

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Anyone recommend any good discord servers for chat/gaming?

Looking for something relatively active and not too toxic, figured Beehaw is a good place to ask

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"Anti-semitism" is a frightening word. It harkens back to imagery of leather boots, supremacy and the Holocaust. For years and years the word has meant one thing and one thing only: prejudice and hatred against Jews.

But, as should be apparent, Semites are not Jews, though Jews can be Semites, but not if they are converted Jews. Why? Because though "semite" is largely about linguistic history, it can be seen as a common denominator for several people groups, including among others Arabs and Asyrians. As always, it's about people who share a language tree, geographical history and cultural similarities, as defined by people groups.

Why then is it when we say anti-semitism, per definition, we mean persecution against the Jews? I've alluded to the answer in the first paragraph. The first time it was really used was by, you guessed it, pre-first world war Germans, as a more scientific and clinical term replacement for Jew hatred. Among the many battlefields, we find scorched earth even on Wikipedia, as the edit warriors have been vying for territorial control over paragraphs, because some of these warriors want anti-semitism to mean one thing and one thing only.

Etymology works like this: someone puts together some words, nevermind how aptly or even logically, and as it becomes popularized said definition gets written into stone. It doesn't matter how nonsensical the word or phrase is. Once it's common parlance, it's common parlance. Not only that, but since Semite is largely about language groups and not about people groups anymore, that word changes as well, as it's mostly used when discussing middle Eastern language trees. But, also, nationalists and authoritarians of the past have historically persecuted people for not using their ratified language, and the reason for that should be apparent to everyone. It's not just he who defines history who wins the war, but he who defines the language.

Which brings us to today. The word "anti-semitism" has been a favourite deflection word for the authoritarian right wing government of Israel, and if you don't like that definition, tough titty: political definitions are not defined by common parlance, no matter how much certain politically inclined people who play ball with moving goal posts would want them to. It's been used to deflect any sort of criticism against the Israeli government, as a politically form of saying "rumpel stiltskin". All your detractors sort of get Thanos snapped out of the conversation.

What defines words still isn't up to politicians though. It's still up to the people. So what if we say old, Nazi scientists don't get to define our words, and neither does nationalists with yamucka's. Let's say Semites is still a set of people groups with overlapping history. Let's say that it includes Arabs, Assyrians, Palestinians, etc, because there is still some cultural and historic overlap, much like with Germanics. Germanic language and history tree, started it's life in the Nordics, a tree that worked it's way down south. But it's so far back in the past that it also is largely used in language studies and language studies alone, as the cultural overlap has long since replaced with a cultural gentle nod instead.

As a quick aside, "islamophobia" is in a similar way abused by certain extremists Imam's and Mosques, who find the term equally politically advantageous, just like those crazy Christian denominations your aunty is apart of, that the family collectively treats as a propaganda spewing elephant in the room, as they too lay their persecution fetish on the dinner table. Does that mean that islamophobia isn't real, or that Christians don't get persecuted? Not at all. People generally have the capacity to be awful and it's best to call out prejudice, social paranoia and subverted political intentions wherever they may be found.

It just goes to show that when political interests take over scientific language and definitions, that it is almost always bullocks. The word "terrorist" for instance means absolutely nothing but "who is our enemy today", from a political perspective. The term is used by governments all across the world to justify curbing dissent while trying to avoid being defined as a persecutor, as well as justifying invasions to uphold the petroleum dollar.

Personally, whenever anyone says "anti-semite" to me, I'll be sure to remind them who technically are defined as Semites, and that the language being used to define "the one true heir to the land" is some old European, Crusader-ass bullshit that literally means nothing, discounts hundreds of years of social development and geopolitical changes and has the simple job of whitewashing everything Netenyahu and his cabinet of blood thirsty maniacs does.

I'd be pleased to know what Assyrians, Arabs and Jews think about this. Did I say anything wrong? None of us are above being wrong, and in the way you correct people will be pertinent to how that information gets spread, and also intrinsically how language is shaped. It's up to us then to form responsible, apt and correct language to dispell language being weaponized for political purpose.

As always; use your words and use them responsibly.

Thanks for reading.

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submitted 11 months ago by alyaza to c/chat
 
 

i got sick again so the financial update and also this thread are late. i'll get the financial update up at a later point, or i might just combine it with january since there's not that much to report as far as i can tell

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submitted 11 months ago by sarmale@lemmy.zip to c/chat
 
 

Thinking about going with interrail, Im from Romania. Anyone went aleady? stories, tips to share?

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Anything new with beehaw and the lemmyverse? Are we still changing platforms? Things seem a lot more quiet now. Is that really a bad thing though? How are you?

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dentist story (feddit.de)
submitted 11 months ago by sexy_peach@feddit.de to c/chat
 
 

I remember when I was at the dentist a few years ago and they showed me pictures of slightly yellowed teeth. They said that drinking tea for five years would result in slightly yellowed teeth and drinking coffee for five years would result in a little bit more yellowed teeth.

But you know, it's a doctor, right?? Who cares if my teeth are yellow, as long as they're healthy. The GP doesn't tell me how to avoid getting a saggy ass, they help me with health issues 🤣

Sorry for the boring story I just remembered it when brewing a cup of tea.

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I feel lost sometimes. I'm an ethnic minority in s country I consider my home, and in recent years I've seen conflicts surge especially with the rise of outspoken xenophobia paired with economic troubles. I thought I could change this when I was in my twenties. I got involved with migrants rights organizations. I volunteered and taught classes. I met people and tried to talk about the topic. I thought I was helping a good cause, that it should count for something.

Then I got into my thirties. My parents are showing health troubles. Our family business isn't doing great. I had no savings. I had to switch careers since teaching wasn't paying enough, and guess what happens to a decade of experience as teacher/volunteer/freelancer when I apply for entry level jobs requiring 3+ years of experience in a godforsaken yet another JS library doing the same crap? Tossed into the bin.

I gave up. People were ignorant at best and venomous at worst. The pandemics only made things worse. Me and my parents were called names, told to go back to $country, that we were stealing money meant for neighbors when I was simply applying for finantial aid.

My acquaintances (or friends) don't share the threat I perceive. I was told to simply stop bothering or to "calm down". When I wanted to vent about racist treatment during a job interview, their collective response was "how funny that must have been". I wasn't making a joke. I just learned not to react. But it still hurts.

I just want to distance myself from all of it. I accepted a job offer paying less than expected after a year of searching. Better than nothing, but I can't be stuck in this job forever, I need more. I need to take my parents out of this place. Make them finally have a livable environment instead of being made fun of simply because they're crossing the street or doing something mundane. We're not robots that make your chow mein. We're not spreading covid just by existing. We're not your enemy. We're your neighbors.

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I thought that the people here might find this thread on universeodon.com interesting.

cross-posted from: https://discuss.online/post/3236065

An explanation of two problems inherent to social media platforms from @siderea@universeodon.com

scale has social effects. Most technical people know that scale has technological effects. Same thing's true on the social side, too.

difference in perspective between the governance parties and the end users

Explanation starts

End of thread

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currently getting over the lingering after-effects of a sinus infection, which was not an enjoyable way to spend last week

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When so much shit gets thrown at you that you have to rehome a pet, it's so nice to be reminded on Black Friday that you still don't have that pet, but here are some deals you can't fucking use.

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this week is starting off with what i can only assume is a sinus infection, so that's not ideal. i'm also down two grandparents, which likewise is not ideal

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web archive link

The official explanation from the retail industry for the term “Black Friday” is that it’s the day when retail profits for the year go from red to black. Are you skeptical about this? You should be.


The term originated in Philadelphia in the 50s or earlier and wasn’t in common use in the rest of the country until decades later. And it did indeed refer to something unpleasant: the gigantic Army-Navy-post-Thanksgiving day crowds and traffic jams, which both retail workers and police officers dreaded. The retail industry originally loathed the term, and the whole “red to black” fairy tale was tacked on sometime in the 80s by an overcaffeinated flack trying to put lipstick on a pig that had gotten a little too embarrassing for America’s shopkeepers.

And now everyone believes it, which is a pretty good demonstration of the power of corporate PR. But now you know the real story behind Black Friday.

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I was watching a video from two years ago about different social norms and this showed up. Found someone questioning the same eight years ago on reddit (when it seemed less normalized). It feels so weird not being aware of this shift, even as a foreigner.

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I have seen so many articles, tweets, posts, etc. in the past few months about AI eradicating all jobs or something along the line, and robots eliminating all needs for human labour.

And then I look at all the jobs that I have worked on.

Good luck using AI to get through government bureaucracies. I am sure ChatGPT get help you navigate all the regulations, apply to all the licenses automatically, comply with regulations etc. I am sure when a company is fined millions they can just say "but...ChatGPT say this can work!"

Good luck telling the CEO to use AI assistant. I am sure the 70-years-old CEO would prefer shouting to a phone which may tell them the idea does not work instead of shouting to a group of employees who would nod nervously and then implement the ideas while ignoring the bad parts.

Good luck replacing humans with robots. The maintenance costs of hardware and software on an army of robots which needs fuel and electricity and probably internet connection MUST BE lower than hiring labour at minimum wages. Right? Did I forgot to mention that human can takes care of themselves?

Remember that the society is run by humans. Even the rich and the powerful are human and have human needs. They would want other people to work for them.

What if a singularity AI took over the world? I mean if that is possible and the society fail to prevent such an event from happening then humanity deserves to perish anyways. Also please don't tell me you believe in Roko's basilisk.

Stop worrying and start living your life!

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Social media is one hell of a drug. It'd have you swallowing giant gummy worms whole at the back of a sip'n'strut. Oh sure, the catharsis is nice, but at some point you'll need to ask yourself "why are we like this?"

Lately I've been noticing how some comments make me want to exclaim "IT'S A TRAP!". Obvious, open and quite frankly kinda basic baiting, like some disgruntled parent at a PTA, smacking his chest with his bare hand, telling another parent "cash me outside bro how bout dat?"

Like okay, this one comment was doing a set up where the intention was to either get someone to A) depose Hamas or B) defend Hamas, with the intent of jumping down someone's throat.

Why are people like this, mommy? And why am I calling someone "mommy" on social media? Can't we just make homemade cookies like we used to do on rainy nights, and be happy? And why is daddy always drinking the unhappy juice? I think I probably already answered that question...

Mommy, I want McDonald's!!!

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I have been working for a consulting firm since early last year. I'm a programmer and this is basically my first "adult" programming job I've had since graduating and briefly working part time as a coding tutor.

When I started at the firm I expected that I would be on one or more consulting teams and I would be learning/working with new and emerging technologies. Instead I was placed on a development team at a corporate banking client, working remotely with other employees of the bank. The bank has a big problem with turnover so having been there for a year I'm seen as one of the more senior members on my team and have been given more challenging projects to work on more or less independently. I'm responsible for the analysis, the coding and most of the testing.

I was assigned a new feature in early October. I was given a brief description of what the whole feature would do, but it wasn't immediately clear which parts I'd be responsible for. It was a while before I was able to speak with folks about the requirements for my side so I realized I ended up doing work I didn't need to. Now I understand the requirements but I spend more time researching than actually writing code.

I meet with my project manager remotely every day for standup and he's always asking me for percentages of work done or some metrics for completeness and I don't really know what to tell him so I just throw stuff out there. ("Oh probably another few weeks or so.") I think for a while there I was just saying I knew what I was doing 1) because I was trying to "fake it until I make it" and hope that I make some breakthrough and figure it all out, 2) because in order to ask folks questions I'd have to understand the problem well enough to have some context for what to ask, 3) because the only two people, senior devs at the bank, who could help me have ten other things assigned to them each (not an exaggeration) and they can both be really flippant and unhelpful when I have reached out to them in the past.

I have so much pressure at the firm to put in a good face for the firm with the client. I have tried within the past year multiple times to get transferred to another role but I just get met with pep talks about how I'm "doing better than I think" and how "they really need me there". When I express frustration with the bank's management structure and levels of communication my handlers are like "yeah...some clients are tough!" So it seems like I'm stuck. Unfortunately I cannot afford to simply quit.

But I feel like I'm getting close to just blurting out that I don't think I can do this at all the next time my project manager at the bank asks me how far along I am, despite supposedly having put work hours towards it. I have so much stress and lingering dread that I will be fired, that it will ruin my career, and that I can't do anything to change my situation. It's hard to manufacture enthusiasm for finding other jobs because at the end of the day, even though I'm not getting as much done as I need to, I feel burnt out with stress and don't want to do anything resembling work. Frequently when off the clock I'll randomly think about work while doing other stuff and I'll break down and start crying. It's bad. Every part of me just wants to be gone from this but I can't leave and I also can't make things better. The cracks are beginning to show and I feel like it's not possible to get the support I need. Should I continue to push through the feeling that failure is inevitable and try to succeed? Or should I go mask off and hasten the end?

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First thing I did upon starting my work day was to open a beer. Just one out of two purchased for the occasion of yesterday being payday. I then proceeded to skim through my inbox and appointments for the day, concluding that beyond migrating this one production system over to the new VPN there's not going to be a whole lot happening today. Just like most other days.

Second thing I do is to fire up my personal PC. For three reasons:

  1. Write this post
  2. Check if there are any new torrents worth downloading
  3. Check my personal e-mail to see if the competitor has gotten the paperwork ready. I'm so looking forward to jumping ship for the competition.

So, long story short, I worked for a company we'll call A. We had a customer that we'll call B to whom we sold a few older production systems. Then A got bought up by huge company C. Initially I didn't mind. But while A was the perfect size for me - Big enough to give me a nice budget and the resources I asked for, company C is 90% red tape, where I can't do shit without approval from everyone. On top of that, people more skilled at office politics than I managed transfer all of the interesting aspects of my job halfway around the world. Then, it turns out that a couple of former coworkers of mine joined company B as consultants, and they wanted me on board. 30% pay increase, and I get to do what I liked to do again. That's an easy choice. I can't jump over soon enough.

So while I now am severely overpaid to do ridiculously easy stuff, I'm so fucking demotivated and sick of my employer and all of its corporate bullshit (which constitutes 80% of my inbox nowadays) that even when I do nothing, and I'm sitting in my living room couch, I fucking hate it.

I had a revelation around half a year ago, where I was out in the field, and I was having a beer with a friend/coworker. "It's not fun anymore..." we agreed. That's when I started toying with the idea of looking elsewhere. I used to enjoy what I did for a living. I found my work day interesting, the right amount of challenging, and it catered to something I was good at. And I know most people have more valid complaints than their job not being fun, and I know that I'm spoiled in that regard. I hate my current job, not only because it's not fun. But because it's turning me into someone I don't want to be - A bullshit employee with a bullshit job.

I don't know where I wanted to go with this post, or what I wanted to achieve. I just needed to vent, even though the gas that comes out of the vent is a moist fart with not a whole lot of pressure behind it.

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